All in perspective
My daughter and I were taking a walk one day when we saw the most beautiful round, pink flower laying on the pavement. My daughter picked it up and said,
“Oh mom! I’m sure you know what I’m thinking when I see this!”
I replied, “Of course I do! Horton Hears A Who! I bet you are thinking of the possibility that there is whole little tinny world on that flower that is so small, we don’t even know it’s there! Which makes the mind wonder to our tiny place in the Universe and that maybe we’re just like the Who’s and we’re only specs to something much greater that we can’t even fathom!!”
My daughter, “…. Not exactly …. I was thinking of that donkey from Whiney the Pooh… The one who is depressed all the time… You know, Eeyore.”
We had a good laugh about it. Truly it was an analogy for our differences in personality. But as I thought about it, I thought of how often we can assume we understand another’s perspective when really we’re still stuck in our own. Even people we know really well. There’s a problem with assumptions. It’s even deeper than making a ASS out of U and ME… It can be a critical strain in communication.
Let me share another story. I call this The Misunderstanding of the White Towel. Like many couples, my ex-husband and I were showered abundantly with gifts when we got married. We were young, poor, and pretty much needed anything anyone was willing to buy us. Two separate guests gifted us with white towel sets, one was from Target and one from Kmart (yes Kmart still existed back then). They were both high quality. One set of towels was thick and fluffy, and the other set was soft and smooth. It became a running joke between us to argue about who gave us the “nice towels.” We would both stubbornly stand our ground. I would insist, “No I’m POSITIVE it was the Gabriels who gave us the nice towels…” He would reply, “You’re wrong, the Blanchard’s gave us the nice towels!” Finally, after a year of marriage and at least weekly towel arguments, I grabbed the fluffy towel off the rack, held the tag up to him and said, “SEE! Target. I told you the Gabriels gave us the nice towels!” He then reached over for the smooth towel, “NO! Kmart! See!” We stood there, holding one of each set of towels. Then burst out laughing. It turns out, we were both right.
Perspective. It can be difficult to remember to pause, assess where you might be making assumptions, and reach for understanding in the heat of an argument or misunderstanding. It can be helpful to have a word or phrase to kick you out of your own ego. My ex and I would often start to butt-heads, pause and say, “Wait a minute… Is this a White Towel argument?” It was an opportunity to first take the edge off, then listen and explain, hear and understand. Getting yourself out of reactivity and remembering that each of us comes with a unique perspective are some key components of healthy communication. When we can feel seen and heard, and give that in return, it can transform our relationships.
If you think you might like some help working through strains in communication, schedule a free 30 minute chat and let’s see if I can help. Clear, direct, healthy communication is one step to greater satisfaction in all facets of your life, and an opportunity to have more joy in your day.
All my love friends,
Reh