Let’s just clear the air here - divorce stinks. It’s terrible. It’s not the “easy way out." It’s devastating and those going through it deserve to be treated with compassion and care, not as social lepers or failures. This is not to chastise anyone in a supporting role, but to bring awareness on how your attempts to be helpful may be backfiring. After my own experiences and talking with several of my divorced friends, I’ve come up with a list of statements that are commonly said, but are NOT helpful to someone experiencing divorce. If you find yourself tempted to say one of the following comments or something similar, take a pause and think before you speak…

What is self-betrayal? Self-betrayal or self-abandonment is essentially when you do something for someone else at some expense to yourself to avoid something uncomfortable. This can range from not wanting to feel the discomfort of disappointing someone, all the way to fear of manipulative or abusive responses

It’s Valentines Day. I was musing over what LOVE really means to me and I came up with a poem. I put it up on Instagram @the.impassioned.life. It came from contemplating all the different types of love and what they have in common. I realized at the very heart is a deep, soul permeating feeling of gratitude.  When I feel it, it’s like a little explosion within my chest. Time becomes irrelevant. There is no thought for yesterday or tomorrow. It is deeply rooted in the NOW. It’s almost like an ability to see just how amazing a person is, through their flaws and their idiocrasies, is this timeless soul before you just for a moment.

I am a born performer. As a child, as soon as I could stand, I would dance. As soon as I could talk, I sang... I loved to perform in the living room on the fireplace hearth because well… It was a stage of course! Despite my love for dance, as a child I never took any lessons. My mother didn’t see it as something worth investing in. As a youth, I joined musical theater. That was a great outlet where I excelled and absolutely loved. But then as my life changed, dancing and singing fell away. The music and expression of my soul went dormant.

I love to run. I’m actually one of “those” runners who uses TWO apps to track their run. You know, just because. Well, I knew because of winter weather I had been inconsistent with my running. I noticed I was struggling to keep pace with my usual minutes per mile.

Middle school is a hard time. I swear kids these days don’t have those “OMG burn the pictures” from those years like I know I have. But over all I loved middle school. I attended a small private Catholic school in Plattsburgh, New York. With small classes, we all knew each other pretty well, and despite the horrible hair, acne, and Jenkos (on days we didn’t have to wear dress code compliant clothes) that were wide enough to fully consume my Airwalk sneakers, it’s a time I look back on with fondness.

My daughter and I were taking a walk one day when we saw the most beautiful round, pink flower laying on the pavement. My daughter picked it up and said,

“Oh mom! I’m sure you know what I’m thinking when I see this!”